Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
