You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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