I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
