yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
