please come you make the beer taste better
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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