i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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