i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We are two peas in an std pod
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's blow job season.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
