Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
