my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
this hospital has no fireball
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
