We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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