but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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