She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize