piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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