he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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