It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
