Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
