we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i now understand why vodka
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
