God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
