I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
