When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
