While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize