let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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