My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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