New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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