Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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