Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
