I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
