Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
