Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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