I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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