Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You may now shotgun with the bride
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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