Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
