she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize