that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
