My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
