i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
