I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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