I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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