someone get that fucking seahorse.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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