Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
