Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize