she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We were destined to go to rehab together
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
