sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
