you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
