I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
