This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
