If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
