Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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