yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Drake has all the answers
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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