I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
