Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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