so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
