by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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