Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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