You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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