i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im holly from the hills drunk
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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