just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
