it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
