having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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