Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(469): View more from Texas

I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.

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(256): View more from Alabama

I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes

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(216): View more from Ohio

Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse

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(404): View more from Georgia

Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night

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(517): View more from Michigan

i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone

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