May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
