I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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